Parenting a Teen or Young-Adult with BPD
“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”
Parenting in general is not easy. Parenting teenagers is beyond difficult. Parentings teenagers and young adults who have BPD is one of the most challenging roles of a lifetime. Teens and young adults want freedom, power and control no matter what emotional disturbances they face, and this is often the root of what parents who love them struggle with the most. How in the world do parents know what limits to set when their daughter or son is driven by emotion and acting in impulsive ways? Parents want their children to be happy, but also safe.
The guidelines adapted by the Borderline Personality Disorder National Education Alliance offer some wonderfully wise suggestions and ideas in parenting those with BPD. The more understanding parents have of BPD, the more likely they will be able to communicate effectively with and set realistic expectations and limits with their teen and young adult children with BPD. This website is an overall great resource for parents, family and loved ones of those with BPD, so I encourage you to check it out.
http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/family-connections/family-guidelines/